By: Jason Colthorp
By: Jason Colthorp

The American Music Awards had already taken awards shows to a new laughable low, when the new bottom fell out.

In the grand scheme of things, a trophy from the American Music Awards isn't something anyone outside the guy editing your Wikipedia page is going to care about.  Grammys are what people remember artists for-- not People's Choice junk or American what-have-you.  If you know that going in, how do you get some buzz about your little award show?  How about nominating a dead guy who hasn't produced a new full-length album since before anyone knew what a terror threat level was? 

Obviously, nominating said dead guy who made one new song in the past year that you can't even think of means he'll be a lock to win-- especially since his body isn't even cold yet and the fans vote on the winners.  Throughout the night it became clear who was "supposed" to win.  In the Pop/Rock category, Michael Jackson was up against Eminem and T.I..  Okay.  In the R&B category he was taking on Maxwell and Jamie Foxx.  Dude!  Jamie Foxx had one-- AND WHO IS MAXWELL?  And while the outrage is pouring, why are Eminem and T.I. nominees for both Pop/Rock AND Rap/Hip-Hop?

So Michael Jackson steamrolled his way through the night, winning on songs he released in the mid-1980's-- until he ran into Taylor Swift.  I never thought I'd be pulling for the teenager fawning excitement via satellite until it meant not seeing Jermaine Jackson introduce his kids again.

"I'd like to introduce my children.  This is Jeremy, this is Jermajesty..."


I thought watching Jermaine Jackson wearing one white glove introduce his brood that he condemned with the legal name "Jermajesty" would be the moment that left me speechless.  I was wrong.

Introducing Adam Lambert.

Adam Lambert-- the big good-looking non-straight hunk many women would like to try and get to switch teams and many men would like to make sure they keep him who finished second to Chris Alreadyforgotya on American Idol.  That Adam Lambert.  

As much grief as I'm giving the AMA's for their joke of a show, at least they were smart enough to hold Lambert's performance until the end when most kids would be in bed.  I don't know how to explain his performance without having to take a shower after.  There was crotch grabbing, a guy-on-guy kiss featuring Lambert, boys and girls crawling around on leashes, a fall, and him screaming some lyrics as he stuck his tongue out.  A friend ran across this gem on twitter after the show last night:

"I'd say Adam Lambert jumped the shark, but he was too busy thrusting his crotch at it." 

Ryan Seacrest, immediately ended the show after the performance and he looked as shocked as the audience did.  Although, Seacrest shocked for a different reason-- an I-didn't-realize-until-this-moment-how-much-I-love-Adam-Lambert type of reason.  The audience didn't clap at first then there was a smattering from the back of the theater.  I haven't seen any fallout from it yet, but I'm sure a few parents who let their kids stay up to see-- what they thought would be-- their favorite Idol contestant belt out some pop song with a little eye liner on and maybe some tight pants, are furious this morning.

Jennifer Lopez had a little trouble while she "sang" last night. It's at the 3:00 mark

It's really amazing that J-Lo falling on her rump which made her lip-syncing that more obvious and repeated crowd shots of Perez Hilton aren't what have me laughing and livid today.  But since I mentioned it, what the heck was with that-- two different shots of a grooving Perez Hilton as Jay-Z and Alicia Keys rocked the house with "New York."  Hilton, if you don't know, is a trashy celebrity blogger who looks like Buster Poindexter's illegitimate son on crack who lambasted Miss California Carrie Prejean because she doesn't believe in gay marriage.  He's the lowest form of gossip columnist-- which is pretty low. 

And yet, there was no shot of Hilton during Lambert's performance.  That's the moment I actually would have been curious to see what Hilton was doing.    

                    Lambert tells CNN the kiss was "In the moment."

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